Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
