okay pat passed out under dana's car
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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