note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
