Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
