Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
