I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
