Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
