I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
