I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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