I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
