Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
