I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
