I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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