remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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