Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
