Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
