i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize