I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
