: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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