it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
