i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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