I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
