You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
