i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A+ Viking dick
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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