I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
