i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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