How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
FUCK WHALES
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
