just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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