remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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