I understand Curling. That high.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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