there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
