well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
