I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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