I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
