im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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