Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
