There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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