if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
