The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
