He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
