I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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