ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
