She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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