Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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