u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
