Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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