I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
