he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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