I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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