It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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