On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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