if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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