Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.