Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.