that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.