I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
