You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
