oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
