Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
