You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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