she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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