I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
bring money and cleavage
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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