So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
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I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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