Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
